Nail in the Heart

Alhamdulillah..

Thanks to Him, my ever dread-est final has successfully *heh* been through. Said and done with. Although there are still so many things that I haven't been able to put off from my mind. Yes. I'm not at peace at all. Arghhh. Just thinking of it *again* make my mind congested with depression.

1. They say there is always a first in everything. Apparently it became an irony when my stupid simple English language course graded with B-. Redha as Ummi told to be. Trying my best to do so *helplessly* (T T)
2. My Research Method subject could barely breathe on its own with a carry mark of 38/60. Don't bother to even ask about the final paper. It burnt into ashes.
3. Other subjects? Let's just hope it will gloriously succeed in covering every nick and holes.

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“Sesungguhnya perumpamaan di antara dunia dan akhirat adalah seperti timur dan barat. Apabila kamu semakin hampir kepada salah satunya bererti kamu semakin jauh dari akhirat. Dunia merupakan suatu tempat di mana pada peringkat awalnya adalah kepenatan dan penghujungnya adalah kebinasaan. Perkara halalnya mengandungi perhitungan manakala perkara haramnya pula mengandungi pembalasan seksa. Sesiapa yang merasakan dirinya telah mencukupi dengan apa yang ada di dalamnya bererti dia telah tertipu dan sesiapa yang merasakan dirinya sangat memerlukan kepada apa yang ada di dalamnya dia akan bersedih.”

-Hasan Al Basri-

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Future Options

Alright. I shouldn't even being online the fact that early tomorrow morning I'll be sitting for my final paper. A statistic for that one! I don't care. Pffft. Hmm. While I was in the shower, I've been wondering what I'm gonna do after all this study. Going for masters or get a job. A proper job. I've been looking around asking people and searching the ads *call that for a complicated thinker*

Seriously I'm blurred. I'm kind of tired with books and assignment *academically* But I'm afraid of the outside world where I have no experience of. Yeah, sadly not even a part-time job except those in-house's one. You can say I'll be out empty handed. My family and some of my long-term thinker friend suggest *or pushing was it* for me to further my studies. After what I've gone through with Research Methods subject this semester, I am thinking hundredth times *haha* It's a good prospect and a guarantee of any position you desire of.

I would love to work *and get married - hahaha* But the options that I'm familiar with now is either managerial posts at restaurants or chopping up away in the kitchens. So I'm sort of hope if there are other interesting works out there viable for me, I would love to do. You tell me. Suggest me with something. Insya-Allah by middle of next year I'll be done with my BSc. in Foodservice Management *I can't believe I made it through* :D

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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim :)

Today, mark the journal of my blog which I left for more than a month. Yep, I'm posting up something. But first of all, my apologies if it gonna be that irony *even to myself - well it is for me actually* shot-in-the-head, offensive, judging or whatnot. I'm just trying to calculate all possibilities. Opinions are welcome. Be that an encouraging one rather than destructive.

So, words have gone around saying that love is painful, love is disappointing, love is depressing, love is obligating and all sorts of definitions tied into one - negative development of emotional quotient. We go to all sorts of measure why does it have to be such. We questioning this and that. We eventually ignoring one irony - we *I*didn't start it off the right and proper way.

How do we define and narrow what is exactly the right and proper way? First, let's take our religion into the measurement. I'm a Muslim. Therefore, my religion is Islam and I'm abide to my creator - Allah s.w.t and his rules. Now, the second part. If I'm a Muslim, how should I even begin my love story? Yeah, everyone knows that. Get married! There's no such thing as committing into a love relationship a.k.a couple other than marriage.

Now, this is the thing. Where almost ALMOST all people stuck at. It's difficult to get married when you're living in a typical Malay community where no money, no job, no proper house means no marriage mentality. Yes, there are some of us who are *I don't know how* manage to get married at such a young age *mine specifically* I get to know some who nailing some of their scholars to do so. Thankfully they have parents who are very supportive in their decisions.

It is not such a horrible idea after all that our parents would obstruct a marriage without proper financial, shelter and transportation. They meant the best for us by thinking in advanced for our future without those attributes in hands. However, being so, people *like me* tends to establish *haha* a non legitimate relationship. Ye lah. Bercouple bukannya berkahwin. Bab-bab ni memang pandai. In Islam, there is no such thing of doing so in the means of getting to know each other since there is taaruf session before marriage. And the term matlamat tak menghalalkan cara applies.

Being a couple, it's as if an already preconceived idea within the youngsters that PDA is a must and unavoidable. You have to hold hands, you have to caress her hair, you have to hold her waist and vice versa, plus more *Allah knows what - astaghfirullah al azim* If you don't do so, your love for him/her couldn't be expressed. Why must we make these actions as an excuse to display our passion for each other where we not supposed to.

We might as well just show our care and concern for each other - without those lovey dovey and maybe lurid words. We even defend those acts which we thought if we don't would hurt our other half's feelings. Didn't we even consider the fact that we are compromising Allah's feelings *literally*? I mean, how can we even say that.

Did we realized that most of the times we claim that it is out of love, we actually make way to lust. We said that we love him/her, so we caress the hair, hand, cheeks bla bla bla. But what makes us do that in truth *I suppose* mostly because we attracted to that particular area. Be it platonic or not. It doesn't give you the licence. Preet!!~ Other result of this helplessness is also to make love before marriage *nauzubillahi min zalik*

Sometimes it makes me wonder, in the past, our parents *while they were overseas* would go to the extent to match make their friends in order to survive living there. Can't that be applied here. Just because we are at our homeland, things are much easier to survive with? Didn't it cross their mind before, that if their friend would turn out to quit their study, would they eventually hands the bride over? Or they just positively assured that they won't. Confusion.

I know you guys coming over to my blog would be bored at the thought of another love issue? For God sake! Yeah, because somehow in other fields of my life I'm able to strive any way I could. But love just keep holding and strangling me back and forth into unknown consequences. I hate doing the things that I love with the knowledge of doing it is wrong. I despise being in guilt.

I once said to him (in particular), I can survive if you died, you can survive if I died, but can we survive without Him? We couldn't even been lived without Him.

Ihdinas sirat'al mustaqim~

"Sifat sabar sedikit berbeza.

Ujian yang menimpa sakit dirasa,

Tapi dapat ditahan perasaannya,

Hanya bermain didalam sahaja,

Diluar tidak nampak terang nyata"

Sifat Mahmudah - Hijjaz

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Sehampar Ambal Tabriz

“Bersedia sahaja, ya Wina. Siapa tahu rencana Allah di sebalik rencana kita?" Begitu pesannya sebelum melangkah meninggalkanku di kubikel. Bibir tipisnya mengorak senyum paling manis sejak empat bulan kami saling melontar idea dan kritikan di medan latihan debat.

Najibah A. Bakar (baca cerpen)

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Jauh lebih mudah bagiku menuliskan puisi tentang cinta

Drpd menuliskan guguran daun yg jatuh di depan jendela

Karena ketika kutorehkan pena ini di atas kertas putih

Bagaimanapun aku mencoba utk menghilangkannya

Pasti masih ada namamu terselip di antara untaiannya

Jauh lebih mudah bagiku menuliskan puisi tentang cinta

Drpd mencoba melantun sajak-sajak tentang hempasan ombak pantai

Karena ketika kutorehkan pena ini di atas kertas putih

Bagaimanapun sungguhnya aku untuk menghilangkannya

Tetap ada dirimu terbait di antara untaiannya

Jauh lebih mudah bagiku menuliskan puisi tentang cinta

Drpd merangkai suatu bait yg masin tentang angin yg menghembus masuk ke dlm kamarku

Karena ketika kutorehkan pena ini di atas kertas putih

Bagaimanapun aku mencoba utk menghilangkannya

Pasti masih ada rinduku tersirat dalam helai-helai barisnya

Jauh lebih mudah bagiku menuliskan puisi tentang cinta

Drpd bercerita tentang debu-debu panas yang hilang bersama hujan

Karena ketika kutorehkan pena ini di atas kertas putih

Bagaimanapun inginnya aku menghilangkannya

Pasti masih ada harapku yang membuai di antara kata-katanya

Jauh lebih mudah bagiku menuliskan puisi tentang cinta

Drpd menggambarkan malam pekat yang sunyi sepi ini

Karena ketika kutorehkan pena ini di atas kertas putih

Bagaimanapun aku mencoba untuk menghilangkannya

Pasti masih ada cintaku yang tertuang di dalamnya

Just nak share karya Asmara Dewi Jauh Lebih Mudah Bagiku Menulis Puisi Tentang Cinta and Nanang Suryadi Mencatat Namamu. Malas nak komen panjang-panjang pasal cinta. Apatah lagi tentang cinta manusia ditengah-tengah kesibukan bulan mengejar cinta Allah ni.

First and foremost saya bukan feminist tetapi cuma sedikit terkilan dengan sesetengah jenis lelaki yang mana kuranglah dapat saya fahami dari sisi mereka - kenapa mudah mengkhianati janji yang anda sendiri buat. Dan semudah itu pula, anda melayan perempuan yang anda telah tinggalkan dengan janji-janji *palsu lah kiranya* seperti tiada harga diri. Bukanlah mereka meminta anda melayan umpama buah hati mahupun isteri sendiri. Tapi tolonglah layan mereka seperti mana anda melayan nenek, ibu, kakak dan adik perempuan anda sendiri.

Di situ dah jelas anda boleh tetapkan batas yang sesuai. Dan ya memang, mereka tak perlukan kata-kata manis anda. Cuma hormat dan hargai mereka sebagai wanita. Kerana mungkin satu hari nanti, Allah akan putarkan dunia anda untuk merasa seperti apa yang mereka rasa. Bila akan datang seorang wanita *yang lain pula* yang akan melukakan hati anda dengan mengkhianati janjinya pula. Jadi beringat-ingatlah bila berbuat sesuatu. Wallahualam~

Dalam hati masih ada kegundahan itu

Secara perlahan membakar angan

Dalam sunyi mengingat wajahmu,

berderai potret pecah

terbanting tangan-tangan waktu

Begitu kukuh memisahkan kekinianku

dengan cerita dulu

Engkaukah itu,

yang bercakap dalam gemerisik angin meniup daunan.

Kabarkan sesuatu entah kebencian atau kecintaan?

Berayun angan menari

dalam jagat semesta pertanyaan

Begitu samar

Begitu samar

Namamu yang terbubuh

dalam kabut yang melulur keheningan

Hadis Rasulullah s.a.w daripada Anas bin Malik yang bermaksud:

“Kezaliman itu terbahagi kepada tiga. Pertama kezaliman tidak diampunkan Allah . Kedua kezaliman diampunkan Allah dan ketiga kezaliman yang Allah tidak ikut campur dalam hal itu. Kezaliman tidak diampunkan Allah adalah syirik. Kezaliman diampunkan Allah adalah dosa manusia ke atas dirinya dan tuhannya. Kezaliman yang Allah tidak ikut campur adalah dosa di antara manusia dengan manusia, sehingga mereka menyelesaikannya terlebih dulu.”

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Merdeka

Independance? Is not such a precise word to confine the correct condition of the country today. The latest grievance effect of the economy is the increasing petrol prices. Not only the petrol, there are more other basic grocery items. It so happened that the recent issue of sugar shortages resembled in the least bit with the rice shortages issue not so long time ago. The same problem arose as in the trick of the traders who stock up the produces in warehouses. The same conclusion to this is to make way for price increament for these specific items. They always seems to find its 'appropriate' to do so when festivities just around the corner.

Over these years, have I not saw any government intervention of the matters. Yes, price were reduced bit here and there but later, it just rise as it likes. What is with that. Don't the government probe any solution for this? I can see where the country is going with your remarks of eating tapioca and the likes instead of rice. So now do we use honey instead of sugar? And please yes. Do substitute petrol with electricity. I mean. Be empathized with we whom at the bottom. Don't just leisure around with your privileges of having drivers, big pay plus huge allowances, big houses, subsidized petrol! Stop being such a spoil brat. But yeah, that is just exactly what you guys are.

And you have completely prove what a total idiots you have been with such position. Thank you 1 Malaysia.

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